Sending our kids off to school used to be scary and sad in the way that we know they are growing up and we have to let go and let them. Now it's scary because we parents have to worry what horrible thing might happen while they are there.
After last week's latest school shooting I'm sure we are all holding our little ones a bit tighter than usual. And at the same time praying once again that this doesn't become the new normal.
But for many of our kids in school it has because they are being trained with active shooter drills. And although necessary in today's times, it's also heartbreaking that it has to be this way. And it must be having major mental and emotional effects on these kids. I was on my son's campus when they had a drill once and it was quite unsettling.
And with each incident the issues of gun violence and mental health come up for deeper consideration. As parents we can only do so much about the guns. But mental health is something we can support from an early age. And as an Astrologer, I can't help but ask the question. Can Astrology help save a life?
The tween and teen years are so traumatic as it is, with hormones, added responsibilities and trying to build independence, an identity, personal authority and strong sense of self-understanding and self-worth.
And as children move through these years, there is so much turmoil and conflict happening within their bodies and psyches, it can manifest as someone completely unidentifiable to their parents. I’ve heard this a lot from friends who have teens. And many parents dread this approaching phase.
I believe that Astrology and the awareness of my son's unique nature has served me immensely so far in understanding him and raising him with great compassion, consciousness and confidence. But will it be able to serve me through the tougher teen years? This is certainly my hope.
There are a couple of powerful transits that align with these years that I know can offer deeper insight into what is happening within our children. Jupiter return between 11-13, and Saturn opposition between 14-16. Knowing where in the chart these planets will be at these times might be able to offer important clues for how to best support them.
Psychological Astrology, Dr. Jennifer Freed writes in a wonderful article that the Jupiter return is a 2 year period that represents the potential of finding one's place in the family and community. And kids during this time are seeking sage advice about the meaning of their existence and why the are here.
And the Saturn opposition to the Natal Saturn represents discipline, authority, responsibility and maturity. Dr. Freed states that the shadow side of this can bring depression, righteousness, or resentment. And that during this time of building their inner authority, teens need to polish their verbal swords and learn how to be constructive in their defiance of norms instead of being either too complacent or too arrogant and carelessly rule-breaking.
So under these transits we can help by encouraging our children to explore and discover what actually brings them happiness. And also give them freedom to fail and practice building resilience, while helping them push through rather than quitting when things get hard. This can help establish healthy ways of achieving what they set out to do and hopefully avoiding too much rebellious and destructive behavior.
I just can't help but imagine that Astrology in the pockets of more parents couldn't serve to make a difference in the lives and futures of our children.
But if you're children are younger, like my son, I can't help but want to know what I can do now that might also make a difference then? And after thinking about it a bit I have a few thoughts.
First, I think laying a solid foundation for open and honest communication from the moment our children begin using language is a good first step. And it's never too late to do this. Communication is EVERYTHING because we want our children to feel like they can ask for help when they truly need it.
Second I believe in having honest, real conversations about life and death with our kids. Not to scare them, but to simply inform them and help them understand they are not alone, are normal to have dark thoughts or struggles within, that they have choices, and that we are always here to help when they need it and if they want it. Sheltering them from the harsher realities is our protective parental instinct I know, but I don't think in the long run it will serve them well.
And the last thing is, let go. Yes, stop, let go, do less for them and let them fall, fail and learn for themselves through experience more often while they are young so the can build resiliency. It's what we do when they are learning to walk, right? And even though we don't want them to hurt themselves, we also know that's the best way they can learn.
My son is 8 and my husband and I have had many talks with him about life and the natural struggles we all go through growing up. And I also work to instill within him self-compassion, kindness and acceptance of himself, others and our differences.
I continue to in my effort to use what I know of child development and Astrology to the best of my ability along the way and I have high hopes that Astrology can continue to be a significant resource in my parenting. But I am also being mindful and realistic because I know part of his journey is to struggle and go through tough times. That is life and part of each of our journeys on the path of personal growth, and self-discovery.
In a nutshell, Astrology or not, I think one of the most positive things we can do with each horrible incident like a school shooting that happens, is make sure the lines of trusted, honest, communication are wide open between us and our kids. And of course hug them as tight as we can and for as long as they will let us.
This latest school shooting was very close to home. I have friends and family who live in Santa Clarita and have kids who go to the neighborhood schools. My husband’s two nephews will attend Saugus high next year.
My heart goes out to every parent and family from Columbine to Sandy Hook to Santa Clarita and everywhere in between who have had to directly experience, morn and attempt to heal from a tragedy like a school shooting. I will never be able to wrap my brain around it or accept it in my heart as normal. Hugs and healing to each and every one of you.
Nurture the Nature - For your well Being!
Click here to read a great article, Planetary Help...On Teenagers, on the above mentioned two transits from Psychological Astrologer, Dr. Jennifer Freed. She talks about the transition from childhood to adolescence and how Astrology can be a road map for parents during this significant time. And Dr. Freed gives great tips and insight for when this time comes that I truly believe can help every parent.
We are in Libra season now and there is much focus being placed on relationships. So I wanted to share just a few of the ways Astrology can benefit us all on the journey to finding love and sustaining successful, happy and healthy relationships.
First, Astrology can provide helpful insight into potential commitment fears and the level of willingness or resistance to entering relationship in the first place.
My husband, Daniel and I celebrated 10 years of marriage this summer. I feel so lucky to have found this solid, supportive, loving partner to share my life with. But before I really knew myself through the lens of astrology, and before I met my husband, I made a whole lot of bad choices when it came to love. My Natal Chart opened up the Pandora's box of all the reasons for that and pointed me to what I really needed and desired in a partner, as well as why I wasn't attracting him to my life.
Luckily, with the help of astrology I discovered and embraced a new love for myself that I feel confident the cosmos rewarded me with the meeting of my husband. So what's important to note here before I go on is that the relationship that must be continuously and primarily worked on, is the one we have with ourselves. And this will always be the case to ensure establishing and maintaining good relationships with others.
Astrology can also provide valuable insight into how you and your partner connect or conflict in personality, character, and general approach to life.
I remember studying my husband's Natal Chart and our charts together intently when we first met. I will be honest, we don't have the perfect, magical planetary connections. As individuals we are actually quite different. Almost like an "opposites attract" kind of chemistry. However, we do have a few key combinations that certainly confirm why we are together. And of course, there is always that mysterious "X factor" that is felt and can't fully be understood at all.
Nevertheless, when I shared with him my initial insight into his Natal Chart and personality he was a bit shocked. It was crazy to him that I could know so much about him just by looking at this weird diagram. And on some level I think it scared him at first. But then when I explained how I felt it could be really helpful in navigating our relationship in an honest, real way, that could help us go the distance, I think it actually gave him more confidence in us.
Astrology can support understanding how you and your partner show love, express emotions and needs so you can learn to care for one another more consciously and compassionately.
One of the key things, in my opinion, that has given us the ability to last as long as we have, is our mutual awareness, acceptance and respect for our differences from the beginning and a willingness to always choose each other, learn from each other and give each other plenty of space to be ourselves.
That isn't always easy though, and shit happens in life that can trigger us and cause us to take our stuff out on each other or hurt each other unintentionally. But by having the understand of our astrology to come back to as well as the awareness of whatever cosmic vibes may be influencing things, we can quickly find compassion and compromise to move through tough or stressful times and avoid creating larger issues. We have done this on many occasions and so I feel confident in saying astrology has served our marriage well over the years.
Astrology can definitely be an objective tool for navigating challenges, disagreements and conflicts that arise in your relationship and in life.
And one of the areas where major challenges can arise in relationships is parenting.
Astrology can be a very supportive tool for co-parenting, understanding differing parenting styles, and learning how or where you can best serve each other and your children.
Conflicting approaches to raising children is common and can create major struggle and stress for parents. This is in part because our individual choices and reasoning for how we parent is most often in response to the way we were raised. And that can naturally conflict with our partners if our upbringings where very different. So discovering where there can be give and take or a middle path will allow couples to more positively parent and nurture their own relationship at the same time. And the astrology chart can offer significant insight and support throughout the journey.
My husband and I had very different childhoods, but there were certain fundamental similarities that we have bonded through and therefore have been able to find our common ground and set basic goals and strategies we can agree on in raising our son. And the astrology also confirms what assets we each bring to the process so we can create a healthy balance in our efforts to be the best parents we can be.
And what about the child's chart you might be thinking. Oh yes. This is priceless too. But I'll save the value of knowing our children's astrology for benefiting the parent child relationship for another time.
And let me remind you and just add one more thing. You don't have to know the astrology of your partner or anyone you are in relationship with for astrology to serve you well.
My husband isn't deeply into astrology like I am and doesn't know the ins and outs of his chart, or mine for that matter. But because I know astrology and myself and we share a desire to maintain a healthy marriage, I can use this unconventional tool to benefit us both and our family.
If you know yourself and your own astrology, you will have all you need to cultivate all you desire in love and partnership.
We are in Taurus season now and the focus shifts to the dedication to and slow build of love and what determines our version of true happiness, fulfillment and a good life. And because Venus is the ruling planet of Taurus, this is primarily about relationships.
And this is one of the major areas I believe Astrology can best serve us. I believe Astrology can improve relationships and marriages, possibly even save them.
So as I looked at this months energies and transits, I recalled a lunch I had with an old friend who had been recently through a tough divorce. He was feeling really low because he truly loved his wife and was blind-sided by her desire to leave the marriage. He told me he read a book his therapist had recommended called, “5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman. He immediately realized what caused the marriage to fail and said if he had read this book sooner it may have made a difference.
My curiosity was naturally peaked! And I of course wanted to see if I could determine the love language by looking at the Natal chart.
I started by revisiting a blog post I wrote in February for Valentine’s Day called, “How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Look at The Chart” where I offer some possibilities for where to find these insights. And now I am looking again to see if I can further identify and match the appropriate love language through Dr. Chapman’s approach. It’s seems pretty compatible so far.
Dr. Chapman says that psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. No doubt! And through his research he determined there are 5 languages of love or ways we can best have our emotional love tanks filled.
They are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service. I know what your thinking, they are all important. Agreed. But Dr. Chapman says that we each have one that dominates more than the others. And after reading the book I do agree.
We can be bilingual, and considering the key to building lasting love is being able to speak your partners language, speaking more than one is very helpful. Hopefully it’s your partners so you don’t have to learn another one. Because as we know, learning a new language, especially as an adult, is not easy.
Now he also states that there are various dialects of each language that add different nuances to them. And this is where I think Astrology can help.
I realized that my language is Quality Time, but because I am a strong Air person, (4th house Libra Moon/Pluto and Sun/Mercury in Aquarius in the 8th house), the kind of quality time I specifically need is meaningful conversation. I very much appreciate physically being present together and touch along with words of affirmation are also very important, but that emotional connection through deeper sharing of thoughts, ideas, and feelings really fills my tank.
We are complex beings and the way we love and what we require to feel love is built and based on many things. It’s not just about our unique approach to love by nature. It’s also influenced by how we were shown love as children, or not.
And speaking of children, I am reading the book he wrote on the 5 love languages for children as well. And at the heart of it, our children also have a dominant language by nature, but they ultimately speak all of them to various degrees as well. And the note for parents is that they will have much better odds of having success in relationships when they grow up if they learn all of them from a young age.
The interesting thing you might find is that the language you speak may not have been the one spoken to you as a child. So you may have “known” you were loved as a child, but may not have “felt loved” in the way you needed to most for emotional fulfillment. And if you’re lucky the person you meet and fall in love with does speak your language, at least to some healthy degree. But if not this can lead to conflict, misunderstandings, accidental hurt and ultimately an unhappy, out of balance relationship.
So if you feel your relationship isn't as fulfilling as you'd like, or think it could be, perhaps you aren't loving each other in the most needed love language.
So contemplate and ask yourself these questions.
Is your Love Tank full?
Do you feel loved by your partner?
Do you know if you are filling your partner’s Love Tank?
Do they feel your love?
Have you built a solid, high quality life of lasting love, joy and success for yourself, your family and those you love most?
And whether you choose to look to the planetary energies or a popular self help book, I think the positive results can be the same. I of course feel confident that the same information can be gleaned from the astrology chart and especially point out our unique dialect. However, this great book can also offer me a an easier language to translate the astrological insight. So I think it's a win win. Very Venus in Taurus!
Nurturing Astrology, Love + Well Being!
Where do we look in a chart to find love? How we give it. How we receive it. How we nurture it, for ourselves and in relationship with another.
Before I dive really deep into synastry analysis, I like to look to two places first. The Moon and Venus.
The Moon is our emotions, how we express them and what our deepest Heart and Soul needs are to feel truly nurtured and love.
And Venus reveals what we desire from a relationship and the ‘things’ and ‘ways’ we show our love to others in a partnership.
Now it’s not that simple of course. The endless other variables in a Natal star map can reveal how easy or challenging it is to manifest the kind of love we ultimately seek. And then there is the element of how our star map aligns with the map of the one we love.
But I believe the basics is always the best place to start and the insight there can make for a powerful jumping off point. And knowing this for yourself and your partner can provide you priceless knowledge and tips on how to navigate together to maintain a growing and fulfilling union.
Let me give you a simplified example from my own life and marriage. My Moon is in the sign of Libra, which indicates I need (Moon) to be able to relate (Libra) with and feel understood by my partner, emotionally and verbally, in order to feel loved. And this allows me to create a loving balance and harmony in my partnership. My Venus is in Pisces, which indicates I have a desire (Venus) to connect on a spiritual (Pisces) level with my partner and to feel appreciated for the unconditional love I offer.
Meanwhile, my husband has a Moon in Capricorn and a Venus in Leo. So again simplified, he needs to feel like he’s getting and providing security in a relationship to feel loved. And he desires to be recognized and appreciated for his hard work and dedication to his partner as he takes great pride in what he offers.
Now combine these together to see how they might work together for better or worse. His Moon and my Venus do work in an easy partnership so we can appreciate what the other brings to the union for sure.
However our Venus' make a minor less complimentary aspect to one another where an adjustment must be made by both to secure a working partnership. His fiery Leo Venus can demand more of an active, physical connection than my watery Pisces Venus which enjoys a more sensitive, emotional connection. So how do we adjust?
Well first I can look to find where I have some fire that can spark some "action" in me. And there are many ways this can be done. I could first look to Mars which is the action planet and see what sign I have that in. Luckily I have Mars in his natural sign of Aries. Yes! Fire! So this one of the places my passions can be ignited to meet my partners needs and desires.
Now while my hubby's Venus is in Leo, his Mars is in Virgo, although supporting again in being of passionate service to a lover, not the most sensitive energy we're looking for. However, if we try another approach of looking at the ruler of Leo, we go to his Cancer Sun. Bingo! Water, sensitivity, emotional connection!
So with a little effort we can find where and how we can better nurture our relationship to ensure success and happiness.
In a candied nutshell, there is amazing benefit that can come through the understanding of our astrological synastry with a partner. And I can attest to the fact that the knowledge supports marriage in endless ways! My husband and I will celebrate our 10 year Wedding Anniversary this June and I have been utilizing Astrology knowledge to support our marriage from the beginning. You can read more about that in a previous post, "Marriage with the Stars".
And now of course, relationships, like each of us, and our charts, are complex and do not come without challenges and issues. Not to mention the fact that we are each on our own time line of personal growth and planetary cycle influences. I expand on this in another previous post, "What I Know Now About Love and Marriage", when both my husband and I where each going through some tough times in life that were also reveal in our Astrology.
I've share a very simple example of how we can look to the chart for compatibility insight and ideas, as well as a couple of throwbacks shares to how I've used Astrology to positively serve my marriage. I hope this will inspire others to consider this amazing resource for themselves.
But before and beyond astrology, one key element that is a MUST for mastering Love in relationship is two people willing and wanting to be in it!
So once you’ve found a true, committed partner and you wish to improve and deepen your connection, expand your understanding of one another and discover priceless insight to support your ever evolving journey together, Astrology can help!
And if you're single and looking still, getting a jump on your own approach to love will only accelerate your success once you meet a potential partner.
Here are a few first steps you can take and places to start gathering more info.
You can run free full Natal chart reports for you and your love here at Cafe Astrology! This is a wonderful resource site! You can also purchase a compatibility report for you and your love for a small fee here if you'd like.
And if you ever want to have a personal consultation I'm happy to serve as well. Email Me!
Happy Valentine's Day! And all the best on your journey to building more happiness and fulfillment in love and partnership.
Sharing my knowledge, insight and personal journey of living, learning and parenting with Astrology.
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